“Are you ready for this?” This has been the question I have repeatedly asked myself each time I prepare my eyes and heart to stand in front of a scale. As we all know, our society has seemingly accepted the lie that “most women, struggle with self esteem malfunctions revolving around body weight (more than men do) and they probably always will”. I am not excluding men by any means, as I know they do struggle with this as well. However, the number of women fighting this daily battle is overwhelmingly larger. My purpose for writing this is to address that taboo topic that no one really likes to talk a whole lot about, which is still a heavy burden that consumes the thoughts, intentions, plans, and daily actions of so many women. It dictates, so often, our every move. I would like to be candid for a moment and share a story of how I believe I have begun to receive healing. Although I must be honest, first. Just moments ago, I stood in front of the scale on the floor of my bathroom. Judging by the anxiety I felt and the nervous ache in my inner core, I may as well have been stepping up onto a platform with a noose waiting for my neck. I took a deep breath and asked myself, “are you ready for this?” It’s not as if I have gain any weight. It’s clear that it is a stronghold and direct attack ordered by the enemy to push me back into believing the lies, that several years ago, drove me to a suicidal practice that would have taken what was left of my broken spirit, and in time, my life. Thank The Lord for the people in my life who loved me enough to FORCE me into therapy. You may be asking yourself how on earth thos is a story of healing when it sounds so despairing. If I may be very honest, tonight I came to a vivid realization that I am, in fact, quite uncomfortable with my own body. Although I have overcome these practiced manifestations of my fears of weight gain, I still suffer from the anxiety. Despite my husband’s respectful and encouraging compliments directed toward me about body, I feel almost embarrassed during our times of intimacy. There is a certain vulnerability that comes with exposing oneself and it takes immense confidence to agree with someone’s compliments when you can’t seem to muster the strength to look at your own vulnerable figure in a mirror without cringing. Tonight, as I stood before the scale, eyes dilated, shoulders tight, heart pounding, I came to a painful epiphany: I have idolized beauty…rather my own false ideas of it. What I have grown up believing to be beauty has been an intricate, crafty, revenue increasing, lie, cleverly used by the enemy to influence the ideas of modern americans (I say americans specifically because I don’t know enough of other cultures to speak intelligently) and to convince each woman that they need just one more tube of lipstick, just one more bottle of diet pills, just one more “meal plan” to follow, and all the while it’s just one more lie to believe: that we are not beautiful alone with our desires to enjoy the foods we like (in moderation) and to be able to live and love life as it is. I want to petition every woman who shares my struggle to take this challenge with me: There was a time that I trashed my scale. I am not asking you to do this (as I will not be because my husband uses it). I would like to challenge you to take it upon yourself, with the strength from The Lord, to embark upon a journey with me…a 30 day challenge! It has only 3 simple rules and they are as follows:
1. NO MORE WEIGHT! Let go of that burden. Stop being a slave to your scale. I challenge you, with me, not to step on the scale for 30 days…it’s only a month! YOU CAN DO IT! Don’t let your fluctuating and inconsistent body weight define who you are.
2. Look into the mirror at least ONCE a day and quote this portion of Psalm 139:14: “I will praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” It will do wonders for your wounded soul. I promise.
3. Stop agreeing with lies. When you look into the mirror after getting dressed, and that thought enters your mind…You know which one I am referring to…the one that tells you how fat and ugly you look in those pants…tell it to SHOVE IT. Don’t listen. Don’t agree. For crying out loud, if your feel bloated and miserable, just drink a few glasses of water. Trust me, a few trips to the restroom can do wonders for that water weight.
Remember, the One who made you loves you more than you know and He wants you to feel the same way. Don’t hate on his creation. Embrace it. If being overweight is a health issue for you, recognize it and make steps toward a healthier lifestyle, but don’t go to the extreme out of hatred for yourself. And if you’re like me and have simply been trying to keep your head above the water, fighting to defeat lies and striving not to see false images of yourself for years, just STOP comparing yourself. You will NEVER look like the girl in the movie or the magazine because that’s not even what she really looks like. God created the human figure to be different and dynamic for a reason. I hope this has inspired at least one or two people (if even that many read this). I just want you to know that there IS freedom. I have experienced it in an exponential way and I am STILL experiencing it. You are beautiful. How do I know? Because God made you.
She Would Wake. She Would Walk. She Would Write. 